[It's easy to say everything is fine, that he's just working, and to pretend as if it's all about acclimating instead of the opposite. He doesn't know many people well, so they don't know what's actually normal. Except one, and Kyle has done well on avoiding him just so that he didn't have to talk about it.
Except he wants to talk about it. He wants to not pretend because otherwise he's going to let himself slip away and become what it is they want. ]
Schedules are for people that have lives outside of work so tracking it wouldn't do much good anyways. I have been there a time or two, though I'm trying to avoid drinking too often.
[ It would be much too easy to just drink and not worry about anything else, after all. ]
I do know what you mean, and I understand. My second year of med school my mom flew up to Michigan and texted me from the dorm parking lot to tell me to come to dinner. I called more often then.
I'm not even on the schedule today but I turned my ankle so cutting down my runs.
You're avoiding drinking, and you invited me for a drink.
You turned your ankle? ( How much are you running? He wants to ask, but they're not on those terms and it's his deal whether or not he turns his ankle. ) Yeah. Maybe run less. Listen to me, I'm telling someone to run less. Maybe this place is changing me.
We don't need to get a drink, even though you're the one who suggested it.
[ For a moment Kyle considers all the jokes, the smart ass comments he could make, all of it. Instead he takes a risk and goes with the truth. ]
It seemed less needy that asking if I can sprawl on the couch with my head in your lap while you study. And I'm drinking, just I know how easy it is to stop coping with things and just drink.
[ And he never wants to end up that way, especially not in this place. ]
I went for an early morning run and then ran into someone. It's healing though and they were good about it.
You literally ran into someone. And here I thought people only do that in movies and TV shows. Then again, I thought sexual dystopias were also not a thing, so, point.
You know, if that's what you wanted, you just had to ask. Even if I'm an ass about it, or I haven't been around. Also, if you're around, I won't be studying, at least, not this time.
If this is inviting yourself over, the door's unlocked, and leftover whatever resembles Indian food in the fridge. And yeah. I'm here, too.
( He's currently sprawled out on his couch, legs stretched out in tight where they count, but loose-fitting sweat pants, bare foot and in a classic white-tee. Highlighter in his mouth, he turns another page, wanting to get in a few more minutes of this chapter.
He is the picture of relaxed studying, very I woke up this perfect, look at me not trying. )
[There's no response back to the last text. None needed as he takes the elevator down to the fifth floor. Walking in without hesitation, actually glad that Jackson seemed to understand. He hadn't changed, figuring jeans and a navy Henley were fine. His wardrobe is at least growing, and he's been glad for that, even if he does so little in the way of socializing. Not nearly as much as he really needs to in this place.
For now though, he is just focusing on here and now and talking out a few of the things that have gone on, have someone to talk to.
Even if he kind of stops, just watching Jackson for a few minutes. He knows after things that had been said to him he should be bothered at how young and studious Jackson looks but he just can't let it bother him. Instead just smiling at the tableau, finding fond memories and new desires in that image. ]
( Jackson raises his eyes, but not the tilt of his head, as he looks back down and smirks. His other hand moves a few books from the cushion sitting next to him, making room for Kyle. )
You feeling bad about something. I believe it. Let it go for tonight?
( He exhales, stretching and setting a book on his lap aside before turning his head to face Kyle. )
I'm your only lawyer to be. ( He pauses, because there is no 'my or your' but in this case there kind of is, and that doesn't bother him like it could. ) And he's letting himself have as much of a life as it looks. Eventually, I'll take the advanced test. That's all it is, but I need to be ready. Strike all that. ( He leans in, placing a kiss to Kyle's lips, something he hadn't done in some time. ) Better now that you're here. That's a better answer, right? I can win points for that?
[Listening though, taking in what he said earlier, and what Jackson is saying now. The smile he has fades a bit when he's told to strike that.
His fingers lightly brush along Jackson's jaw, eyes closing briefly at the kiss.]
If you needed points, yes. That would get them. About the same amount as being open with me and complaining because law school has to be Hell. Says the guy that nearly gave up on medical school a few times.
[Shifting a bit closer, he moves to rest his head on Jackson's shoulder for a minute, feeling about worn down as he had during said school, but for a myriad of different reasons. He'd gone charging into his place as if he could handle anything, and much as he likes to make out that he can, it's getting to him.
He just tries not to let himself think about the fact that when he felt that strain, the one and only person he wanted to text was Jackson.]
I think this is the part where I act like a nag and ask if you've eaten in like the last day or something. And don't give me some shit about werewolf metabolism or something. I'm not saying I know better but don't even try it.
( It's more a notion of how he sees Kyle, but he's also talking to a tenacious, often overly critical person. Jackson may never have given up, but he did and wanted unhealthy things to succeed.
Opening up to Kyle, or anyone besides Ethan, his therapist, or family is new. But, he doesn't hate it if it gets him couch cuddles. Jackson peers down at Kyle before laying his own head back, just feeling the moment. )
You don't nag, and you never have to worry about me eating. Even when life turns to shit, werewolf metabolism comes with a werewolf appetite. ( That may not have been true as a human, but as a werewolf, he was always hungry. ) You? Do you need me to nag back and ask if you've eaten in the last 48 hours?
Shhhh, allow me to pretend I'm still the asshole I once was. Besides, I said nearly.
[Because Jackson's right. Despite the pain and exhaustion, he couldn't just give up. If not for himself, then his parents. Especially his mom who had just gone nuts over the idea of her son, their first generation, going on to become a doctor.
It's reassuring to know that with all of the studies and the hard push he's giving himself to get things done that Jackson will do as Kyle says and not as he did in school. Hypocrite and Hippocratic. He can do both.]
In two days? Yeah, I can say I have. [Pausing with a smile before adding.] Actually this morning before work.
[He barely pauses before asking something that's been on his mind.]
You said you asked to be changed. Have you ever heard of it being something like a curse. One action and suddenly you're changed?
Why? I don't. I'm still an asshole. With more purpose.
( And self awareness. He thinks about what Kyle asks, knowing that yes, it's not that he's just heard this, but for many that is how it is. )
If you're bitten, and you weren't asked to be bitten. If left alone, if it isn't what you wanted, it lives like a curse. If they're left to fend for themselves, they could do anything. McCall didn't ask. Scott - that kid from my school. And Derek, before going on his biting frenzy, didn't offer the bite. Not until after he bit me. ( A beat as he considers. ) The first time Derek promised me the bite, he told me to meet him in his family's shithole of a burnt down house. But, he never intended to bite me then. Hunters being there is the only reason I made it out alive.
[There's a lot that Kyle wants to talk to Jackson about when it comes to werewolves, to the things that Kyle's been told and yet he can't bring himself to go into that. Not yet. Not when he finds himself desperately needing to talk to Jackson about that.]
He's changed though, right? [He knows how that goes, after all. It doesn't worry him less. Not when it comes to Jackson's well being in this place.] I mean, if you're thinking about being his beta, he's not like that anymore? You trust him?
( He shifts, not intending to disturb Kyle, but the doctor's head should be up for this. Kyle should be facing him for this. )
Kyle. I said yes to Derek. He's my Alpha now. We've both done ill-concieved, terrible things for reasons we thought were right at the time. But, I needed to make the decision to trust him. And that means you too can trust him. Pack extends. I told him that. We're somewhere between friends and something else and that means something to me. It means something to Pack. You don't have to be okay with it, or accept it, or recognize him as anything other than my alpha. But, McCall had a human in his Pack too. It didn't suck for him.
[He's changed is what Kyle needs to hear. He's made himself not be that guy, not gone around to see what Derek's like and act like an asshole or an idiot about whatever this is. They've both been clear that it's something, but Kyle knows next to nothing about pack life, about being a werewolf, and what Jackson needs because of it? He hasn't a clue. No more than what he's been told.
Head canting slightly as he lifts it, considers Jackson as he admits he accepted the offer. He stays quiet, listening, though he can't hide a spark of shock and a bit of confusion at what he says.]
You told him pack extends... to me?
[He can't help the hint of awe in his tones, even if it wasn't him specifically but this person in Jackson's life in general terms. He's not sure what he expected.
No, he knows what he expected. He expected Jackson to keep his lives separate. Now he's realizing that he hasn't, no more than Kyle hasn't talked about Jackson. At least by name to Alex, and about emotions Kyle feels to others.]
This, us? It means a lot to me, Jackson, and if you trust him? Then I trust you about him. Okay? I mean, let's be honest. What I know about werewolves and your needs as one would about fill a thimble. Even with learning that this guy everyone keeps mistaking me for was a werewolf vampire hybrid. Hell, that only made things more confusing.
I never thought about the fact that with every world that seems to have supernatural beings, they're all different from one world to the next, but I'm basing things off yours right now because that's the one that matters.
( Not exactly, Jackson thinks as his lower lip drops, his mouth opening. Kyle takes it in earnest, but Jackson keeps back that he told Derek he had people in this city he trusts. He didn't name anyone specific. They didn't get there. They boosted each other's - maybe not egos, but they entrusted one another. Names will come up in time. But, Kyle's is bound to come up more.
In truth, the deliberate separation on both their parts pushed Kyle to the back of Jackson's mind - but in thinking, obviously Kyle fell under that.
Hold every thought, though. )
You're - people are mistaking you for a werewolf vampire hybrid?
[Thoughts of this Tyler is one of the things that had prompted the text Kyle had sent. A need to talk to someone he trusted about all of this, and really at this time those he'd turn to are slim.
This though is something he's really wanted to bring up to Jackson, if only in hopes of understanding any of it himself.]
Several people. Apparently he's well known to them in their world, and his name is Tyler Lockwood and depending on who you talk to, he's not well liked.
[ Which wasn't comforting at all, especially when even after he'd been attacked, they were still warning him about Klaus. ]
I was actually attacked in my first days here after being mistaken for him, and warned about another who might try and kill me. He's kind of why I was asking about curses. Apparently he was cursed, his whole family, and after he killed someone? He turned.
( Everything Kyle says, Jackson likes less. Kyle's the doppelganger of some vampire-werewolf hybrid someone here in this city wants to kill, and other people straight up hate. )
You were attacked, and someone in this city might want to kill you. Does this someone know you're not this Kyle asshole?
It's really no big deal. I was blind sided and shoved into a wall and threatened and then...
[Part of him wants to blow it off but his luck would be one day Hayley or Alex might talk with Jackson and tell him the truth.]
Once we worked out who I was and wasn't, I helped her out because she was starving and let her...
[He touches his neck where the small scars had healed and were starting to fade.]
She was the first one to mention the whole doppelganger thing, which trust me, I've looked up since then. At least what this place has on it. The ones I've met, they know I'm not him, including the one I was warned about. He was very... friendly. I found that pretty much scarier than if he'd tried to kill me.
[Shifting to turn to face Jackson more fully, drawing one leg up along the cushion even as he reaches out, running his hand along Jackson's arm. Though if it's to calm Jackson of himself is anyone's guess.]
Okay, we've discussed my issues with not being able to turn those in need away. I'm working on it. This was two months ago. I had just been...
[ He sighs, realizing he's putting so much on Jackson because of his own issues, and if anyone doesn't deserve that, it's Jackson.]
I had been through a lot, and failed a lot of people. As far as I can tell though, everyone that hates him knows I'm not him.
Kyle. It's me. I'm on the poster for Been Through A lot.
( He put people through a lot. )
I'm not blaming you for letting a bite-happy vamp get a taste, although we need to work on your self preservation. Between your long hours and your tendency to give yourself over to people who hate your doppelganger. You could make better choices. Not that I can talk about my choices in the last month.
[He can't help but smile at Jackson's comment about his lack of self preservation instincts, as well as the truth about them and bad choices. He sighs softly.]
It's why I wanted to come see you today. I like being with you. I don't worry about my choices with you, or what this place makes seem normal so I don't question what I'm doing until after.
And I don't give a shit if I sound sappy either. [He smiles then, looking more relaxed than he has in a while, feeling it as well after talking about it all.] You can't prove I said it after all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 10:12 pm (UTC)Except he wants to talk about it. He wants to not pretend because otherwise he's going to let himself slip away and become what it is they want. ]
Schedules are for people that have lives outside of work so tracking it wouldn't do much good anyways. I have been there a time or two, though I'm trying to avoid drinking too often.
[ It would be much too easy to just drink and not worry about anything else, after all. ]
I do know what you mean, and I understand. My second year of med school my mom flew up to Michigan and texted me from the dorm parking lot to tell me to come to dinner. I called more often then.
I'm not even on the schedule today but I turned my ankle so cutting down my runs.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 10:22 pm (UTC)You turned your ankle? ( How much are you running? He wants to ask, but they're not on those terms and it's his deal whether or not he turns his ankle. ) Yeah. Maybe run less. Listen to me, I'm telling someone to run less. Maybe this place is changing me.
We don't need to get a drink, even though you're the one who suggested it.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 02:00 am (UTC)It seemed less needy that asking if I can sprawl on the couch with my head in your lap while you study. And I'm drinking, just I know how easy it is to stop coping with things and just drink.
[ And he never wants to end up that way, especially not in this place. ]
I went for an early morning run and then ran into someone. It's healing though and they were good about it.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 02:25 am (UTC)You know, if that's what you wanted, you just had to ask. Even if I'm an ass about it, or I haven't been around. Also, if you're around, I won't be studying, at least, not this time.
If this is inviting yourself over, the door's unlocked, and leftover whatever resembles Indian food in the fridge. And yeah. I'm here, too.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 03:44 am (UTC)Okay that doesn't make it better. Even I know that.
I'll be down in a few minutes, and you can study or not. I'm just glad for your company.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 04:11 am (UTC)I'll be here.
( He's currently sprawled out on his couch, legs stretched out in tight where they count, but loose-fitting sweat pants, bare foot and in a classic white-tee. Highlighter in his mouth, he turns another page, wanting to get in a few more minutes of this chapter.
He is the picture of relaxed studying, very I woke up this perfect, look at me not trying. )
no subject
Date: 2019-12-17 03:13 am (UTC)For now though, he is just focusing on here and now and talking out a few of the things that have gone on, have someone to talk to.
Even if he kind of stops, just watching Jackson for a few minutes. He knows after things that had been said to him he should be bothered at how young and studious Jackson looks but he just can't let it bother him. Instead just smiling at the tableau, finding fond memories and new desires in that image. ]
Wow. I almost feel bad interrupting now. Almost.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-25 01:46 am (UTC)You feeling bad about something. I believe it. Let it go for tonight?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-26 03:53 am (UTC)[He is amused though, crossing the room and settling onto the couch beside Jackson.]
But this is me. Letting that go.
[At least in feeling bad about interrupting Jackson. More than willing to let it go because he needs this.]
So how's my favorite lawyer to be doing?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-27 03:46 am (UTC)I'm your only lawyer to be. ( He pauses, because there is no 'my or your' but in this case there kind of is, and that doesn't bother him like it could. ) And he's letting himself have as much of a life as it looks. Eventually, I'll take the advanced test. That's all it is, but I need to be ready. Strike all that. ( He leans in, placing a kiss to Kyle's lips, something he hadn't done in some time. ) Better now that you're here. That's a better answer, right? I can win points for that?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-28 12:50 am (UTC)[Listening though, taking in what he said earlier, and what Jackson is saying now. The smile he has fades a bit when he's told to strike that.
His fingers lightly brush along Jackson's jaw, eyes closing briefly at the kiss.]
If you needed points, yes. That would get them. About the same amount as being open with me and complaining because law school has to be Hell. Says the guy that nearly gave up on medical school a few times.
[Shifting a bit closer, he moves to rest his head on Jackson's shoulder for a minute, feeling about worn down as he had during said school, but for a myriad of different reasons. He'd gone charging into his place as if he could handle anything, and much as he likes to make out that he can, it's getting to him.
He just tries not to let himself think about the fact that when he felt that strain, the one and only person he wanted to text was Jackson.]
I think this is the part where I act like a nag and ask if you've eaten in like the last day or something. And don't give me some shit about werewolf metabolism or something. I'm not saying I know better but don't even try it.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-28 01:20 am (UTC)( It's more a notion of how he sees Kyle, but he's also talking to a tenacious, often overly critical person. Jackson may never have given up, but he did and wanted unhealthy things to succeed.
Opening up to Kyle, or anyone besides Ethan, his therapist, or family is new. But, he doesn't hate it if it gets him couch cuddles. Jackson peers down at Kyle before laying his own head back, just feeling the moment. )
You don't nag, and you never have to worry about me eating. Even when life turns to shit, werewolf metabolism comes with a werewolf appetite. ( That may not have been true as a human, but as a werewolf, he was always hungry. ) You? Do you need me to nag back and ask if you've eaten in the last 48 hours?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-28 05:13 pm (UTC)[Because Jackson's right. Despite the pain and exhaustion, he couldn't just give up. If not for himself, then his parents. Especially his mom who had just gone nuts over the idea of her son, their first generation, going on to become a doctor.
It's reassuring to know that with all of the studies and the hard push he's giving himself to get things done that Jackson will do as Kyle says and not as he did in school. Hypocrite and Hippocratic. He can do both.]
In two days? Yeah, I can say I have. [Pausing with a smile before adding.] Actually this morning before work.
[He barely pauses before asking something that's been on his mind.]
You said you asked to be changed. Have you ever heard of it being something like a curse. One action and suddenly you're changed?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-28 08:16 pm (UTC)( And self awareness. He thinks about what Kyle asks, knowing that yes, it's not that he's just heard this, but for many that is how it is. )
If you're bitten, and you weren't asked to be bitten. If left alone, if it isn't what you wanted, it lives like a curse. If they're left to fend for themselves, they could do anything. McCall didn't ask. Scott - that kid from my school. And Derek, before going on his biting frenzy, didn't offer the bite. Not until after he bit me. ( A beat as he considers. ) The first time Derek promised me the bite, he told me to meet him in his family's shithole of a burnt down house. But, he never intended to bite me then. Hunters being there is the only reason I made it out alive.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-30 12:02 am (UTC)He's changed though, right? [He knows how that goes, after all. It doesn't worry him less. Not when it comes to Jackson's well being in this place.] I mean, if you're thinking about being his beta, he's not like that anymore? You trust him?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-30 03:38 pm (UTC)( He shifts, not intending to disturb Kyle, but the doctor's head should be up for this. Kyle should be facing him for this. )
Kyle. I said yes to Derek. He's my Alpha now. We've both done ill-concieved, terrible things for reasons we thought were right at the time. But, I needed to make the decision to trust him. And that means you too can trust him. Pack extends. I told him that. We're somewhere between friends and something else and that means something to me. It means something to Pack. You don't have to be okay with it, or accept it, or recognize him as anything other than my alpha. But, McCall had a human in his Pack too. It didn't suck for him.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-30 10:25 pm (UTC)Head canting slightly as he lifts it, considers Jackson as he admits he accepted the offer. He stays quiet, listening, though he can't hide a spark of shock and a bit of confusion at what he says.]
You told him pack extends... to me?
[He can't help the hint of awe in his tones, even if it wasn't him specifically but this person in Jackson's life in general terms. He's not sure what he expected.
No, he knows what he expected. He expected Jackson to keep his lives separate. Now he's realizing that he hasn't, no more than Kyle hasn't talked about Jackson. At least by name to Alex, and about emotions Kyle feels to others.]
This, us? It means a lot to me, Jackson, and if you trust him? Then I trust you about him. Okay? I mean, let's be honest. What I know about werewolves and your needs as one would about fill a thimble. Even with learning that this guy everyone keeps mistaking me for was a werewolf vampire hybrid. Hell, that only made things more confusing.
I never thought about the fact that with every world that seems to have supernatural beings, they're all different from one world to the next, but I'm basing things off yours right now because that's the one that matters.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 12:44 am (UTC)In truth, the deliberate separation on both their parts pushed Kyle to the back of Jackson's mind - but in thinking, obviously Kyle fell under that.
Hold every thought, though. )
You're - people are mistaking you for a werewolf vampire hybrid?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 05:09 am (UTC)This though is something he's really wanted to bring up to Jackson, if only in hopes of understanding any of it himself.]
Several people. Apparently he's well known to them in their world, and his name is Tyler Lockwood and depending on who you talk to, he's not well liked.
[ Which wasn't comforting at all, especially when even after he'd been attacked, they were still warning him about Klaus. ]
I was actually attacked in my first days here after being mistaken for him, and warned about another who might try and kill me. He's kind of why I was asking about curses. Apparently he was cursed, his whole family, and after he killed someone? He turned.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 08:27 pm (UTC)You were attacked, and someone in this city might want to kill you. Does this someone know you're not this Kyle asshole?
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 11:26 pm (UTC)[Part of him wants to blow it off but his luck would be one day Hayley or Alex might talk with Jackson and tell him the truth.]
Once we worked out who I was and wasn't, I helped her out because she was starving and let her...
[He touches his neck where the small scars had healed and were starting to fade.]
She was the first one to mention the whole doppelganger thing, which trust me, I've looked up since then. At least what this place has on it. The ones I've met, they know I'm not him, including the one I was warned about. He was very... friendly. I found that pretty much scarier than if he'd tried to kill me.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 04:29 am (UTC)( What the hell. Jackson is definitely sliding forward, dropping his legs and sitting up now. He inspects Kyle's next, tilting his head. )
You let her bite you.
( Vampire. )
So - Whoever hates this guy Kyle doesn't want to kill you. Kyle. What the hell.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 12:20 am (UTC)Okay, we've discussed my issues with not being able to turn those in need away. I'm working on it. This was two months ago. I had just been...
[ He sighs, realizing he's putting so much on Jackson because of his own issues, and if anyone doesn't deserve that, it's Jackson.]
I had been through a lot, and failed a lot of people. As far as I can tell though, everyone that hates him knows I'm not him.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 01:17 am (UTC)( He put people through a lot. )
I'm not blaming you for letting a bite-happy vamp get a taste, although we need to work on your self preservation. Between your long hours and your tendency to give yourself over to people who hate your doppelganger. You could make better choices. Not that I can talk about my choices in the last month.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 04:21 am (UTC)It's why I wanted to come see you today. I like being with you. I don't worry about my choices with you, or what this place makes seem normal so I don't question what I'm doing until after.
And I don't give a shit if I sound sappy either. [He smiles then, looking more relaxed than he has in a while, feeling it as well after talking about it all.] You can't prove I said it after all.
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