All of them? Which ones? Asks the quarterback that went to Michigan on a football scholarship.
Yeah. I think I am. Maybe. Alex and I were working together against his dad before the shooting. A lot of it is more him not knowing I'm bi since I tortured him in high school because I was afraid and finding out when I hit on him.
Not quite. I've known since I ran out on a game of spin the bottle calling him every name in the book. That was the end of our friendship until about six months ago.
He found out here when I hit on him, and schooled me on why being in the closet and being homophobic because of it is bad. In fairness, I've had months to tell him before we even ended up here, and I was scared.
[ He's kind of glad to be talking about this in text, because in that he's still a bit weak about this, and he's glad not to see Jackson's face knowing the horrible person he's been. ]
You randomly hit on him here, in a place like this. Out of nowhere. You had months, but really, you had years. Except, you were afraid.
I was unaware. My one goal was always being the best. I was the best student, the best athlete. The best boyfriend. Except, I was a shitty boyfriend and I only had Lydia because it meant I had a girlfriend. She's brilliant, even to this day, and I recognized it. I think a part of me cared about her, but there was a bigger part of me that cared about winning and getting better. It was only after I stepped back, moved away from everything I knew, and went into mandatory therapy that I started seeing that.
I was mean, but I was also cruel. I had one friend, who I think just liked me because we'd always been friends.
Look, I don't usually say all this crap, but I want you to see that being a bully, or shooting your shot in a fucked up city, it happens. You're not alone here.
Fucked up as it is, I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Coming back to Roswell, I've blamed myself for a lot, and much as I can justify the fear, I hate that I tried to destroy him just so his dad wouldn't destroy me.
He beat him all the time for being gay, and I was scared he'd hit me too. Not that I never put it together my dad, the sheriff, knew it was happening and rather then save Alex just let it happen. Got him killed, though guess it just would have been sooner otherwise.
I think I loved my girlfriend back then, and she's a friend again now, but I know part of it then was she was the smartest girl in school. Now she's going to end up with the soulful literature loving cowboy. Can you hear eyerolling in text?
Thanks though for not just telling me I'm not alone.
[ He would have believed Jackson if he had just said it but it means a lot to Kyle that he opened up like that. ]
This place is a lot of it, but not just because of what it is. It's easier when it's not that town. I hadn't realized how much I've been withdrawing about who I am while coping with everything going on. It felt easy to just be myself here and now I feel on guard again.
Ignoring everything you're saying just to say that Varsity Blues is not a good sports movie, or a good movie. All it has is James Van Der Beek and Tara Reid, but I like my women smart and James Van Der Beek older. He aged well. Better than the Dawson's Creek years.
Now that I've said that, I'm going to catch up. Being here is fucked up, and how you treated Alex, and how his father treated him, and how you two treated each other, it's all fucked up. All of it. Maybe it's easier when you leave everything you know behind. All you have is you and everything else. In London, I was Jackson Whittemore, guy from California. Not Jackson Whittemore, perfectionist or Jackson Whittemore, unwilling murderer. Just, Jackson Whittemore. In Beacon Hills I wore my last name with pride. In London, it mattered to me less.
What I hate about being here is being uprooted from a life I made myself against my will. That guard I dropped is up again. And not just because of the charms. Because, for the first time in two years, I'm unsure again.
Some footnotes. I thought I was the only one who could effectively eye roll through text. It's always the soulful, nice ones who seem to get the girl, but I didn't make an effort to get any girl. Or, guy for that matter for a long time. And I know about loving the smartest girl in school, probably in California. She's one of my best friends.
I hope you appreciate all these texts, I don't send shit like this. But, you sound like you need to read it. So. Read it. But don't weep, I don't know if these devices are waterproof.
[ It may be the dumbest thing in the world, but Kyle is having more fun than he should be with the movie talk, imagining the look on Jackson's face with each movie he throws out.]
So assuming we're not including The Waterboy. What about Any Given Sunday? Can't argue Van Der Beek.
[ Don't trust the B James, definitely. ]
We both changed our lives, and that was our choice. This is having that ripped away and pushed into rolls we might not want. Not the same thing as leaving behind the golden child of a town for the man we want to be. Just like it was easier just being me here before I had a reason to remember the asshole I was.
[And maybe he shouldn't just forget like that, but he'd also like to hope they can get to a point where Alex isn't just punching Kyle when he sees him unless a charm is involved. God, he'd really like to stop being hit by Alex Manes.
Or end up in bed with him and another because of the charms. For Kyle that introduction to this place has been harder than he might have thought. It makes him question what's him, and what he's becoming. The only time he doesn't is when he's with Jackson. Then it just feels natural.]
Though here's my closest to weepy you're going to get even with opening up, and thank you for that. I appreciate it. I'm glad I've got someone here I can have these talks with, and mock mercilessly for his dead wolf coat, and get through this with.
I was always thankful growing up to be one state to the west of Texas when I saw that movie.
Damien? Really?
It snows here? I think I'm going to try and lure you out in the moonlight in that coat and a pair of jeans for another photoshoot. Since you have the camera and all.
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no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 04:09 am (UTC)Yeah. I think I am. Maybe. Alex and I were working together against his dad before the shooting. A lot of it is more him not knowing I'm bi since I tortured him in high school because I was afraid and finding out when I hit on him.
And then he hit me.
[ Okay so a few times but still. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 06:37 am (UTC)You hit on your friend, realized you were bisexual, and then he punched you. In that order.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 08:06 pm (UTC)[ He's not arguing, but he's curious. ]
Not quite. I've known since I ran out on a game of spin the bottle calling him every name in the book. That was the end of our friendship until about six months ago.
He found out here when I hit on him, and schooled me on why being in the closet and being homophobic because of it is bad. In fairness, I've had months to tell him before we even ended up here, and I was scared.
[ He's kind of glad to be talking about this in text, because in that he's still a bit weak about this, and he's glad not to see Jackson's face knowing the horrible person he's been. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 08:20 pm (UTC)You randomly hit on him here, in a place like this. Out of nowhere. You had months, but really, you had years. Except, you were afraid.
I was unaware. My one goal was always being the best. I was the best student, the best athlete. The best boyfriend. Except, I was a shitty boyfriend and I only had Lydia because it meant I had a girlfriend. She's brilliant, even to this day, and I recognized it. I think a part of me cared about her, but there was a bigger part of me that cared about winning and getting better. It was only after I stepped back, moved away from everything I knew, and went into mandatory therapy that I started seeing that.
I was mean, but I was also cruel. I had one friend, who I think just liked me because we'd always been friends.
Look, I don't usually say all this crap, but I want you to see that being a bully, or shooting your shot in a fucked up city, it happens. You're not alone here.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 12:07 am (UTC)Fucked up as it is, I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Coming back to Roswell, I've blamed myself for a lot, and much as I can justify the fear, I hate that I tried to destroy him just so his dad wouldn't destroy me.
He beat him all the time for being gay, and I was scared he'd hit me too. Not that I never put it together my dad, the sheriff, knew it was happening and rather then save Alex just let it happen. Got him killed, though guess it just would have been sooner otherwise.
I think I loved my girlfriend back then, and she's a friend again now, but I know part of it then was she was the smartest girl in school. Now she's going to end up with the soulful literature loving cowboy. Can you hear eyerolling in text?
Thanks though for not just telling me I'm not alone.
[ He would have believed Jackson if he had just said it but it means a lot to Kyle that he opened up like that. ]
This place is a lot of it, but not just because of what it is. It's easier when it's not that town. I hadn't realized how much I've been withdrawing about who I am while coping with everything going on. It felt easy to just be myself here and now I feel on guard again.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 01:27 am (UTC)Now that I've said that, I'm going to catch up. Being here is fucked up, and how you treated Alex, and how his father treated him, and how you two treated each other, it's all fucked up. All of it. Maybe it's easier when you leave everything you know behind. All you have is you and everything else. In London, I was Jackson Whittemore, guy from California. Not Jackson Whittemore, perfectionist or Jackson Whittemore, unwilling murderer. Just, Jackson Whittemore. In Beacon Hills I wore my last name with pride. In London, it mattered to me less.
What I hate about being here is being uprooted from a life I made myself against my will. That guard I dropped is up again. And not just because of the charms. Because, for the first time in two years, I'm unsure again.
Some footnotes. I thought I was the only one who could effectively eye roll through text. It's always the soulful, nice ones who seem to get the girl, but I didn't make an effort to get any girl. Or, guy for that matter for a long time. And I know about loving the smartest girl in school, probably in California. She's one of my best friends.
I hope you appreciate all these texts, I don't send shit like this. But, you sound like you need to read it. So. Read it. But don't weep, I don't know if these devices are waterproof.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 04:19 am (UTC)So assuming we're not including The Waterboy. What about Any Given Sunday? Can't argue Van Der Beek.
[ Don't trust the B James, definitely. ]
We both changed our lives, and that was our choice. This is having that ripped away and pushed into rolls we might not want. Not the same thing as leaving behind the golden child of a town for the man we want to be. Just like it was easier just being me here before I had a reason to remember the asshole I was.
[And maybe he shouldn't just forget like that, but he'd also like to hope they can get to a point where Alex isn't just punching Kyle when he sees him unless a charm is involved. God, he'd really like to stop being hit by Alex Manes.
Or end up in bed with him and another because of the charms. For Kyle that introduction to this place has been harder than he might have thought. It makes him question what's him, and what he's becoming. The only time he doesn't is when he's with Jackson. Then it just feels natural.]
Though here's my closest to weepy you're going to get even with opening up, and thank you for that. I appreciate it. I'm glad I've got someone here I can have these talks with, and mock mercilessly for his dead wolf coat, and get through this with.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-17 01:24 am (UTC)( Even the series. It's not his cup of freaking tea but Ethan convinced him to watch. Ethan was right. Ethan's usually right. )
I was never the golden child. I was the kid from The Omen.
That is NOT my coat.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-17 02:45 am (UTC)Damien? Really?
It snows here? I think I'm going to try and lure you out in the moonlight in that coat and a pair of jeans for another photoshoot. Since you have the camera and all.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-17 02:47 am (UTC)I had a lot of issues to work through. I didn't always have healthy coping mechanisms. Or tact.
I will gladly give you back the camera. Or better yet, smash it.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-17 07:38 pm (UTC)Wait, you have tact? Can't wait to see that. Promise to be suitably impressed.
[ Despite the fact he's catching on that he's seeing sides of Jackson that others aren't, he can't help but to give him shit. ]
Ruining all my fun. So sad.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-18 05:38 pm (UTC)Keep being a bitch. See where it gets you.
The saddest.