I don't know if it's best for me, or if it's going to take me back to a darker place I left behind.
( He's not lost to her reaction. He's not heartless. He doesn't mean to hurt her. None of this is about her, or about Bellamy. How does he come out and say that they are like his family. That they've become like his family. That he cares. )
I don't know anything here. I haven't fulfilled my contract, any contract, only my quota. And that's with someone who could get me arrested. I - I don't know how to do any of this, Emma. You - you are, okay. You're like family, but if I let myself think of you like family -- I'm not always a good person. ( He's spiraling as he tries to come up with the proper words. ) I need to get a better - foothold. I need -- ( He just shakes his head slowly, back and forth, not really knowing what it is he needs. Or what he needs to say, or what he can say. )
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Date: 2019-12-03 04:59 am (UTC)( He's not lost to her reaction. He's not heartless. He doesn't mean to hurt her. None of this is about her, or about Bellamy. How does he come out and say that they are like his family. That they've become like his family. That he cares. )
I don't know anything here. I haven't fulfilled my contract, any contract, only my quota. And that's with someone who could get me arrested. I - I don't know how to do any of this, Emma. You - you are, okay. You're like family, but if I let myself think of you like family -- I'm not always a good person. ( He's spiraling as he tries to come up with the proper words. ) I need to get a better - foothold. I need -- ( He just shakes his head slowly, back and forth, not really knowing what it is he needs. Or what he needs to say, or what he can say. )